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Waking up, I see your face; it's the first thing that I saw before I fell into a deep sleep the previous night. You're sitting on the edge of my bed with your dark chocolate hair swept to the side and your emerald green eyes resting softly on my sleepy form. You're sitting on the edge of my bed watching me rub the sleep from eyes, but I know you're not really there.
"Did I ever tell you that you snore?" he comments, shifting slightly. When he moved, the sheets over my body tugged slightly. "I mean, like, freight-train loud snoring. It's insane...your nose does this weird little twitching thing, and then your mouth--"
I hate it when he mentions my mouth.
"You're still here, eh?" I inquire as I sit up, not caring that the thin strap of my shirt fell off of my shoulder.
"Of course," he replies. "Where else would I be?" Not waiting for a reply from me, he comments, "You should eat some breakfast. It's not good for you to skip it."
"I hate you," I murmur.
And I mean it. I really, really do.
He merely smiles his handsome smile and begins to hum our song. "Only Fools Rush In" by Elvis Presley never got on my nerves so much until he hummed it.

An hour later, I am tugging a green sweater over my head and attempting to fix my matted caramel mane. He's standing in the corner of my room, smiling quietly as he watches me brush my hair.
"Why don't you wear the sweater I bought you for Christmas?" he asks me. "The pink one with the white lines on the sleeves..."
"I know what it looks like," I snap, watching his reflection in my mirror. "And I got rid of that sweater three months ago..."
"Oh," he says quietly, a solemn frown crossing his beautiful features.
When he frowns, he looks deformed. He was born to smile and shine.
"Your keys are on the kitchen counter," he mutters as I exit my room with an angry look in my blue-grey eyes. He follows close behind, like a lost puppy or a child.
"Whatever," I murmur, snatching my keys off of the counter.
We walk outside, and I was too late at slamming the door in his face. He was already outside before I even thought of the idea. Walking down the driveway, I sigh quitely to myself as I spy him in the corner of my eyes. He's squinting up at the sun and smiling that stupid boyish grin as he shoves his hands in the pockets of his bluejeans.
"Doesn't that look like my car?" he asks, nodding at a red convertible that drives down the street before it turns a corner and disappears from sight.
"I hated that car," I say. That's not true. I love that car; I only hate it when he is in it.

Thirty minutes later I am driving down the street in my crappy white car. Actually, it's more of a dirty brown because it has not been washed since I got it. He is sitting in the front seat, which I hate, because I hate having to sit next to him. The radio is off, and I can tell it bothers him. He's doing that annoying thing he does when he gets fidgetty; the whole leg shaking thing and tapping his fingers on the armrest. Lord, I wanted to smack him.
"I saw you at the mall the other day," I comment, immediately regretting my words. "You didn't see me, though."
"Really?" he says, interested immediately. "I'm sorry about that, love. You know I think about you all the ti--"
"I'm not sorry," I reply. "I ducked into the maternity store before you had the chance to see me."
"I wish you hadn't have done that," he says as I cross over a railroad track.
"You don't even know the difference," I spit, growing even more irritated with him.
"Why? Because you can't let go?" he comments calmly. Looking over to me, his emerald eyes bore into my grey orbs. I hate the way he looks at me. He looks at me with such love and adoration in his eyes. "Because you imagine me wherever you are because you can't get me out of your head..."
"Then let's change the game," I murmur to no one certainly. "Because I really don't like this one."
"I love you," he says. And I know he means it. He really, really does.
"You're not really there," I say quietly, and rather sadly.
"Then stop imagining that I am..."
I try. I try to imagine him gone. Turning a corner, I glance over to him, doing my very best to convince myself that I am the only one in my car--because, well, I am. No use, though. He's sitting there next to me, watching me with his ocean eyes, with a foolish grin plastered over his handsome face as he sang "Only Fools Rush In" to me.
©2005-2009 ~ItsNothingPersonal
:iconitsnothingpersonal:

Author's Comments

Well, this is going to be crappy, I can tell you that right now. It's late, it's been a long day, I'm tired, but I am obsessed with this site...dang it...so, anyways, enjoy this so-called work of art :roll:


photo by hibiscus-wake

Comments


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:iconquidamanonyme:
"this so-called work of art :roll:"...

Come on, I really like this, even if I would have written something else (less... common) with those pieces...

Picture is great ; colors, composition, etc. Perfect. Keep up the good work ;)
:iconitsnothingpersonal:
gracias. it's sortta what i'm going through, but i'm not having a nervous-breakdown like thing and going insane with visualizing him...too much information, i know. lol. but thank you for your comment :) If I had scrabble pieces and I was to write "him" a message, it wouldn't be "i love you".... :shrug:

--
"this is agony, wanting you the way i do.."

"dipped in chocolate, your personality doesn't seem so bad"
:icongoodnightnovembereve:
in advance, i'm sorry if i offend you in any way, please tell me if i do, k? your story just interested me so much :hug:

the boring grammar stuff:

1
generally the tense should stay the same too when talking in present like - "snore?" he comments, shifting slightly. When he moved, the sheets" - 'comments' is good, but then change 'moved' to 'moves' type thing to keep the flow going
"the sleep from eyes, but"
"I inquire as I did up, not caring" is this to be like sit up?
"for a reply from me" um in order from saying reply again you could say something like 'not waiting for my answer'
"It's not food for you" lol just in case i missed it, is this a joke or a typo?
"nerves so much into he hummed" until?

2
"An hour later, I am tugging a green sweater over my head and attempting to fix my matted caramel mane." a perfect sentence :thumbsup:
"When he frowned, he looked deformed." again the past tense kinda caught me off guard
"idea. walking down" cap
""I hated that car," I say. That's not true. I loved that car; I only hated it when he was in it." so are they talking about some past car that we don't know what happened to it or something important happened a long time ago? -*- gotcha ;)

3
"shaking thin and tapping his fingers" thin or thing? cause it works both ways
"over a railroad track" um hmm, this is kinda odd since i know here we say 'a railroad crossing' is singular, and 'the railroad tracks' is plural, but these both mean the same thing, blah :giggle: me and my almost ocd self

<reads it over again>

ok wait... wow... i'm going to leave all the things i said regarding tense even though they may not apply after reading the whole thing thoroughly

:wow: i went through so many gawd damn emotions with this... it's amazing...

--
:yawnstretch: Won't you come out and play with me? :strip:
~GustaveDelior :katana: :mwahaha: * XxTwilights-AngelxX
~Snoopycg1284 :juggle: ~leash803 :tunes: ~ horns-and-halos :painter: ~fatal-robot
:iconitsnothingpersonal:
haha actually, thank you! Smeone finally critiqued one of my works. Thank you for taking the time! :sigh: And I do appreciate it; no way hurt me at all! Yeah, I went back and fixed some stuff like caps and "thin" to "thing" and "food" to "good" and junk. And I'm weird and have an issue with tenses, but I understand what you're saying. I dunno how to say it, but those sentences where the tenses are different were kindda supposed to be different. I dunno, it makes sense in my mind and is hard to explain. And yay for my one perfect sentence!! haha :) The whole thing with the car is kindda hard for me to explain to. See, "he" never is really there--she's just imagining him there. He's her ex and they never see each other now. She's seeing all of these things that remind her of him, and him saying "that looks like my car" is kind of like her mental voice thinking that. I dunno, it makes sense in my mind. haha. Oh, and don't even get me started on OCD, haha. I am practially the OCD queen, we can start a club. lol.

And I'm glad to know you went through different emotions. Well, I think I am. haha. It means I affected you with what I wrote...so, yeah, I guess I am glad. :) And once again, really, thank you for taking the time to actually do some critiquing and thinking about this. You did a very good job. Thanks.

--
"this is agony, wanting you the way i do.."

"dipped in chocolate, your personality doesn't seem so bad"
:iconitsnothingpersonal:
haha actually, thank you! Smeone finally critiqued one of my works. Thank you for taking the time! :sigh: And I do appreciate it; no way hurt me at all! Yeah, I went back and fixed some stuff like caps and "thin" to "thing" and "food" to "good" and junk. And I'm weird and have an issue with tenses, but I understand what you're saying. I dunno how to say it, but those sentences where the tenses are different were kindda supposed to be different. I dunno, it makes sense in my mind and is hard to explain. And yay for my one perfect sentence!! haha The whole thing with the car is kindda hard for me to explain to. See, "he" never is really there--she's just imagining him there. He's her ex and they never see each other now. She's seeing all of these things that remind her of him, and him saying "that looks like my car" is kind of like her mental voice thinking that. I dunno, it makes sense in my mind. haha. Oh, and don't even get me started on OCD, haha. I am practially the OCD queen, we can start a club. lol.

And I'm glad to know you went through different emotions. Well, I think I am. haha. It means I affected you with what I wrote...so, yeah, I guess I am glad. And once again, really, thank you for taking the time to actually do some critiquing and thinking about this. You did a very good job. Thanks.

--
"this is agony, wanting you the way i do.."

"dipped in chocolate, your personality doesn't seem so bad"
:icongoodnightnovembereve:
well this is why i said the thing about the past tense making sense at the end: actually this is how i thoguht it all happened by the very end: they used to sleep a lot together, which would explain why she sees his position so well, and sees the things he would do in morning, what he would say, and maybe she loved him, and maybe he did get on her nerves a bit; but there had been a car wreck(of the red car) and he died, and so now she hates him for being gone, and can't get him out of her head, which would explain why she's talking to the air, and how he still loves her(as he died) and humming the same song all the time(their song), how she might feel guilty but doesn't show it when she did this "I ducked into the maternity store before you had the chance to see me."", then the whole thing about letting go, as if she can't let go of him, and says this ""You're not really there," I say quietly, and rather sadly." but he tells her to let go ""Then stop imagining that I am..."" but she can't, she's not ready, so he's still there

--
:yawnstretch: Won't you come out and play with me? :strip:
~GustaveDelior :katana: :mwahaha: * XxTwilights-AngelxX
~Snoopycg1284 :juggle: ~leash803 :tunes: ~ horns-and-halos :painter: ~fatal-robot
:iconitsnothingpersonal:
wow...your explanation is a lot better than what i had meant it to try and mean....haha. see, i tried to write it like this: they were sleeping together, and that is why she could see him so clearly and all of his actions and words in the morning. they had been dating for a long time, though, and then she broke it off with him. they never see each other, but she thinks about him and "sees him" constantly. she saw the actually him at the mall, but didn't want to actually talk to him due to a mixture of reasons. the thing about "her memory of him" pointing out the car is that she constantly sees things that remind her of him. certain cars remind her of his car (so she thinks of him), just little things in her everyday life make her think of him, and the "memory of him" points those things out, when it's kinda like her subconcious mind commenting to her.
""You're not really there," I say quietly, and rather sadly."--she said this sadly because in a way she regrets breaking up with him. And yeah, she can't let go of him and she's not ready, and she hates herself for breaking up with him, but doesn't want to get back together with him...but she can't stop thinking about him and always "seeing him" with her wherever she goes because she does still love him and she knows he still loves her, that's why "he" says "i love you" to her....

yeah...i guess i had a hard time getting it from my brain to here haha

--
"this is agony, wanting you the way i do.."

"dipped in chocolate, your personality doesn't seem so bad"
:icongoodnightnovembereve:
"certain cars remind her of his car (so she thinks of him)" i know how that is, the guy i'm seeing (long story) has a white car with a black line on it like where the side bumper thing is :roll: well i used to never see white cars much and now they are everywhere :crazy:

and i think you have done a wonderful job, i truly look forward to seeing more from you

--
:yawnstretch: Won't you come out and play with me? :strip:
~GustaveDelior :katana: :mwahaha: * XxTwilights-AngelxX
~Snoopycg1284 :juggle: ~leash803 :tunes: ~ horns-and-halos :painter: ~fatal-robot
:iconitsnothingpersonal:
haha yeah. The guy I wrote this about (i don't talk to him anymore--long story., too. But I always see red convertibles and that's what he drives. I nearly flip-out whenever I see one) reads my stuff here, but i have a thing with not saying his name...i dunno why... :sigh: but i really do thank you for helping me and enjoying it! :)

--
"this is agony, wanting you the way i do.."

"dipped in chocolate, your personality doesn't seem so bad"

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May 14, 2005
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